The Youth Power Secret (2) (16)
Masturbation is one of several things that attacks youths vigorously in the most special stage of their lives and makes them feel inferiority and separation from God,But in fact God is very kind, feels compassion to them and considers the sinner person as a sick one needs healing, He helps him, accepts him, loves him and sets him free , and who fights and gets injured, He considers him as an injured Hero , treats him and strengthens him.
How can I realize that and how can I be set free?
In this series we will go through all of this, but first …One should go through the series of “principles of spiritual life” not to feel the practical steps here are very hard.
This series is very important to youth and guides guardians how to deal with their sons and daughters in this stage.
Jesus Christ our lord gives his youth strength and holiness in the intercession of our mother saint Mary and by the prayers of our father pope Tawadros
Glory to God in his church forever
I went on my way to meet my spiritual father while faring in my legs drag ,so tired, frustrated and very sad .All of this because of my sin which affects me spiritually, psychologically and even physically, so I decided today not to hide the truth but to tell my father frankly about my sin as I am very tired for a long time from masturbation and I gave up to be set free from this sin ,although I went through the spiritual way many steps. Now I am not desperate any more as before because I am sure that my God accepts me, loves me, and forgives me my sins whatever they are but doing this sin many times is tiring and spoiling my life, days fly and not counted of my life as they are death days not life ,sad days not joy.
After that I was on my way to my father and my heart was full of yearning to continue the practical steps for healing. Frankly after I knew about ASPOCID , I started to have some relief because I knew that I am not a betrayer but I am weak and God considers me as an injured Hero not as a sinner He wants to condemn and also I am sure now that sin is not useful nor joyful but it is bitterness or even death.
I arrived, greeted my father and I asked him to proceed to the practical steps and he answered: “there are three steps for healing from the sins which became habits in general but we will stress on masturbation today.
First step: perception.”
I: “what do I need to perceive, father?”
Father: “to perceive three things
First: I cannot do it alone.
Second: God can do it.
Third: it will take time.”
I said:” To perceive that I cannot do it alone is easy as I am so frustrated because all my trials for healing from this sin failed. I tried everything but I totally failed.”
Father: “This is the beginning I Cannot Do It Alone as we mentioned before, because if the person is still trying by himself, God will not intervene because if God intervenes and He saved him, lest the person claim glory for himself against God saying “My own hand has saved me .“(Judges 7:2) or if God sets him free ( and he didn’t perceive corruption of his nature ) from bad habits, He will fall into the sin of ego and pride which has very dangerous consequences.[please revise part 4 (frequent falls) my son ]
There is a sin called ego and pride (dead mouse) as well as the bad habits which is very hard to be set free from, because it will be hidden.
The person who has bad habits perceives that he is very weak and poor so he turns to God with pain and humility while the person who has not these bad habits but falls into ego and pride sin, he feels that he doesn’t need God and he is the best.
The known sinner is very easy to be turned into a good one compared to the hidden sinner who hides his sins or who does sin secretly while hiding his sins with good deeds.
(Teophan the Recluse part 1 page 21).
And he is doing a favor to God by his good deeds and he remains in his illness justifying his sins.
This is very hard to be healed but of course it is not impossible as we mentioned that in the (dead mouse and how to be set free)
As we are being justified by faith in Jesus Christ not by our good deeds.
Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law ( our good deeds) but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified (Galatian 2:16)
Therefore, if we did a lot of good deeds and if we tried our best to be set free by ourselves without the grace and strength of Christ, we will fail. Because if it is possible to be justified by our efforts, it was no need for neither Christ nor his death nor his resurrection.
For if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain (Galatian 2:21)
You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law, you have fallen from grace (Galatian 5:4)
This is exactly like a small kid his father is very famous and clever physician in their town and one day he ate some sweets but they were not clean and when he arrived home, he started to have vomiting and diarrhea.
Then he was scared to tell his father so he tried to solve the problem by his own but how? The illness was very bad and he was very sick and he needs the help of his father, so if he didn’t realize his need to his father, he will die despite of his trials to heal himself.
As the corruption invaded ourselves into the depths and the nature itself had been corrupted, so if we tried alone to be set free, we will fail even if we did our best until the end of our lives because it will not work with the external solutions, but it needs renewing of the nature from inside and this is above our abilities.
So, if we tried alone, it’s impossible to set ourselves free from inside, we can be set free from some moral sins but the corrupted nature inside will still be in need to be renewed and this is the work of the Holy Spirit inside us.
Without the help of divine grant, it is impossible for man to live in holiness and rejoices in it. (saint Augustin)
They have all turned aside, they have together become unprofitable, there is none who does good, no, not one. (Romans 3:12)
But when the kindness and the love of God our savior toward man appeared ,not by works of righteousness which we have done , but according to his mercy He saved us , through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit , whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our savior (Titus 3:4-6)
I said:” The spiritual way needs a lot of wisdom and guidance my father as any deviation right or left puts one in danger, so I am really helpless. I can’t be set free by myself.”
Father:” Indeed my son.
Second perception (God can do it)
If the person stops at this point and remains in the feeling of helplessness, he will be frustrated and he also will give up and by time he will accept to live in the sin with slavery and humiliation while thinking that, this is life.
But if this is life, what will be the effect of the cross? What is the meaning of freedom? And what about the authority that God gave us?
Jesus Christ came from heaven to set us free, He said “Therefore if the son makes you free, you shall be free indeed “(John 8:36)
“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32)
“Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you “(Luke 10:19)
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification (Thessalonians 4:3)
Because it is written,” Behold, for I am holy” (1peter 1:16)
And also, what is the meaning of the new nature we should have?
It means that we should have the guarantee of our inheritance from now (the Holy Spirit)
“Who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory” (Ephesians 1:14)
“And that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness “(Ephesians 4:24)
“For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you “(Luke 17:21)
Who changed and made the old new is still there, The Holy Spirit is still there, who changed Augustin, black Moses and Mary of Egypt to another nature, the nature of holiness and gave them real freedom, He is still working and He is still changing who returns back to Him?
Everyone believes in Him will be changed from weak person to strong one and also, He changes the shadow of death into resurrection, He can bring out of the eater, something to eat and out of the strong, something sweet. So, who suffers from fear, will have strength? Who lives in impurity will be holy and also who suffers from doubt will be a man of faith?
This is our Christ and our hope, who loses this hope will remain unhappy, lives with despair, humiliation and slavery.
Do you believe that God can set you free?
I said:” Of course, To God, everything is possible.
Who lived in impurity doing sins with excess violence will return back to holy life with the same jealous and this is because their feeling with the very good favor that God made for them? (saint John Chrysostom, you will return back with greater power, page 29 )
Father said:” good, but do you believe that God can make you free however your condition is?
I said:” I hope so.”
Father said while smiling: it will not work with only hope but you need to believe.
You should believe that God can make you free not only He can do everything.
Say inside your heart “He can set me free, me by my name and however is my condition “
If you believe that, it will be a must to become free.
As it will be the work of God not you and as we mentioned before don’t rely on neither your deeds nor your feelings but only to rely on the word of God.
He is the responsible and He is faithful and completely committed to his words.
God said “Therefore if the son makes you free, you shall be free indeed “(John 8:36)
It shall come to pass in the day the Lord gives you rest from your sorrow (Isaiah 14:3)
It means that there will be one day you will have rest from your sorrow, wait and you will have.
“Then you will know that I am the Lord, for they shall not be ashamed who wait for me “(Isaiah 49:23)
“show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end “(Hebrews 6:11)
Be sure that you will become free and also your weaknesses will be your strength and that God will use you in salvation of souls and in helping who has the same as your weaknesses.
Please don’t accept less than that. This is the Christianity and this is our Christ, He gave us rich, grace and blessings so why do you live in poverty?
He created us free, so why do you behave as a slave?
He wants to save you, you by name , He wants to set you free and then He wants you to work with Him in His vine, so don’t exempt and don’t consider your helpless condition now , but see yourself with hope of changing and making you free.
I said: And does this need some steps, I should do?
Father said: sick one needs to go to the doctor, to realize that he is sick and also to be sure that the doctor will help him to be healed not to make him suffer.
I said: All of this I already realized very well from the series of (Jesus loves sinners), so is there any other step?
Father said: The sick one should take the medicine and also, he should obey the doctor to be healed and to have strong immunity against any other disease.
As we mentioned in (unconditional love of God part 5) that we take the Holy communion because we are sinners need to be sanctified, not as justified persons deserve to take it.
Who thinks that he is not deserve because of his sins will remain all the time thinking like that? we are sinners till the end of our lives but we refuse to live in sin and we try our best with the grace of Christ to be holy.
I said: of course, the coming is hard. What is the treatment or the solution?
Father said: It is not hard at all, we already talked about it before. The solution is the Holy bible ( ),sectoral ( ), and feeling of forgiveness ( ).
Frankly the solution is the practical exercises which we talked about. Who follows these steps will feel improvement and growing in spiritual life without knowing like the one who grows without knowing when he eats, but who hears about famous restaurants and delicious meals and how they are very tasty but doesn’t eat them, will gain nothing?
Who reads while having just wishes ending after reading the book and then he forgets the whole story, these steps will be just entertainment or great sermon for him? Exactly like what we hear many times and we feel touched so much but when we start to live it, we find nothing to practice, so it will be just beautiful words. Because of that Jesus Christ said that whoever hears these sayings of Mine and does them is a wise man but who hears only and doesn’t do, will be a foolish man (Mathew 7:24 & 26)
There is a story about five frogs standing on the edge of the lake, four of them decided to jump, how many frogs remain on the edge of the lake?
I said: one frog.
Father said: This is not an accurate answer because there is a big difference between making a decision and implementing of the decision.
The important here is not to hear or to read only but to do what you read and you will feel the result at the time of trials.
The foolish man falls and his falling will be great but the wise man who hears and does will be founded on the rock and will not be affected by the blowing of the winds.
I said:” Indeed father, for from the time I committed to the practical steps you gave me, I feel improvement and growing strongly in my spiritual life and when I am lazy, I feel weakness but at the moment of returning back and repentance, everything returns alright and I feel improvement and growing again.
I said:” But I feel that to have complete freedom will take long time.
Father said:” And this is the third point to perceive.
The complete freedom will take long time
I said:” I think this point is very hard to me, father.
Father said:” no, it’s not hard at all, son.
If you believed that Jesus accepts you during your recovery even if you fell million times a day.
He loves you and takes care of you even more than if you are a good person.
I can’t do it alone
God can do it
It needs time
I said: “how? Father “
Father said:” As we had explained before that father takes care of the sick son more than the healthy one. He loves all people but His caring is according to the need of everyone, and neither son likes his sickness nor father satisfies by his son’s sickness, father rather encourages his son and strengthens him until his recovery.
So, God is your father and your great doctor, He loves you so much and accepts you whatever are the times you fall in this habit even if they are million times a day. He forgives you every sin whatever it is.
Once you lift up your heart and your eyes to Him (as they were lifting up their eyes to the serpent in the wilderness and then they were be cured John 3:14)
even before you say:” forgive me “, He will embrace you and call you: “son”.
Your trust in this acceptance, full forgiveness (not after one week but at the same moment) and the open arms of Him makes you strong and persistent in withstanding sin while without this hope and perceiving of acceptance you will feel inferiority and rejection.
I will tell you a very important note to shorten the way and makes you have freedom very fast.
I said: “what is it, father? I want to have freedom as fast as possible.
Father said:” confidence in acceptance and remission of sins. So, after every time you fall in this sin, return back very fast and be sure of your acceptance and the full forgiveness (as we mentioned before). Once you feel regret and you throw yourself into Jesus arms, He will accept you, will heal your wounds and will strengthen you against devil.
You are in a war when you are injured, your leader will punish you or will rebuke you and will leave you in your wounds, of course not, but he immediately will encourage you, will accept you and will heal your wounds.
Imagine a commander in the army assembled the battalion and said to them “ heroes, we will fight and we must win “ and they answered “ yes, of course, God willing” but he replied “ No, we will win whatever happened “ then they said “ ok, we will do our best “ but also he replied angerly” who will be injured, I will kill him and who will die , I will cut his corpse into pieces “
What do you think the soldiers will do to that commander?
Automatically I said: they will kill him before he kills them.
Father said: distrust in God acceptance, forgiveness, grace and helping directly after falling in masturbation or porn movies makes youth hate the spiritual life, feel inferiority and hate this cruel God who commands them to do impossible commandments.
They think that God doesn’t feel them , He left them in an evil world with strong enemy fights always against them and when they get injured, He leaves them and He doesn’t help them or accepts them, so they will not only hate this God but also they want to kill him because He doesn’t feel them and this is from the important reasons of Atheism , especially for the religious youth.
After falling in sin , the religious youth feel impurity , inferiority and distrust in instant forgiveness and that God doesn’t love them and He doesn’t help them and also God considers them as betrayers and not as injured heroes and they consider themselves as unclean and they are forbidden to pray or to practice sacraments, this is what makes man hates himself and loses hope.
One time I made a conversation with one person who is attacked by atheistic ideas and I was amazed because I know him, he is a religious person, attends most of masses and meetings , someone who is quite in nature and after several times of our conversations which were continued for months, we were stressing on remission of sin, God acceptance and God’s view of the sinner. He said “frankly these ideas that I have now are result of something had happened to me in adolescence.
When I started to be attacked by masturbation and wet dream, I had told my spiritual father and he had rebuked me saying “no, this is impurity, how you can do this sin, be holy “
I had tried my best to take off these habits but in vain and I had fallen again and again, then when I had told my father that I couldn’t and I had fallen again, he had said to me that it was my fault and I didn’t repent true repentance and I shouldn’t fall in this sin again, this situation had repeated again and again.
So that I had found two ways to go, first to try to suicide, second to deny that there is any God to be free from these impossible commandments.
I said:” but indeed, this is a sin and an impurity that can stop me from praying and sacraments.
Father said:” the sin is to justify the wrong situation and to accept it, but who strives against this sin, he is in a bad need to a solution which is prayers, Holy bible and sacraments.
I said:” but this can make me complacent.
Father said:” complacency, complacency, how can you become complacent?
We have discussed the danger of the sin, its bitterness and its humiliation, then you say that you can become complacent!
I told you not to accept this sin but to strive against it and ask with crying from Jesus Christ to help you and when you do this sin again, don’t despair or feel inferiority but say as we learned from the Bible
Don’t rejoice over me , my enemy, when I fall, I will arise, when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me ( Micah 7:8)
My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an advocate with the father, Jesus Christ the righteous (1 John 2:1)
And then don’t be deceived by thinking that you can become free from this sin by yourself but you can become free only by the grace of Christ ( John 15:5) and the support of the Holy Spirit which you can obtain by praying, reading the Holy Bible and sacraments.
Then my father looked at me peacefully and said “don’t be worried from complacency because who tried the pods of swine and the bitterness of slavery, once he returned back to the joy of freedom, he will never think again about returning to bitterness and humiliation of sin, alright?
I said (with satisfaction):” alright, father.
Father said:” also apostle John said “My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ, the righteous. (1John 2:1)
This verse means that you should think always in your heart not to sin, strive, struggle with all your strength depending on the grace of Christ and the support of the Holy Spirit but if it is happened and you fell in sin (this is normal because we are in an evil world), don’t despair, just repent and believe in the full instant forgiveness by the blood of Christ who intercedes in you, cleanses you, accepts you and considers you as an injured Hero not as a betrayer.
I said: Great, but you have told me that there are three practical steps and we have discussed only the first one which is perception.
Father said: the first step is perception (to perceive that you can’t be free by yourself- God can set you free- to become completely free needs time)
Second step is (control your senses), we have discussed this before in detail but today we will stress on a certain point in controlling the senses.
I said: what is it, father?
Father said: in the book named the paradise of the spirit ABBA Younnis the reposed said that from the direct reasons of falling in bad habits are sight and touch senses, because of that Jesus has stressed on these two senses and said “ who sees ……….., he sins” and “ If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you “
Also, He said “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you “(Mathew 18:8-9)
So, it is kind of crazy to want to be holy and you can’t control your sight.
I said: oh father, you will discuss a very thorny topic which is porn movies and how to become free from them.
Father said: frankly, this is a very old war, my son. From the beginning devil fights us with what is in our nature, with our deep desires and lusts.
I said: what does it mean? Was devil fighting people in Old Testament with porn movies?
Father said: It wasn’t by movies but it was real, from the days of the Flood, Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19:4), days of Baal-Zebub (2Kings 1:16) and the molded calf (Exodus 32:4).
All of these idolatry religious contained special rituals to practice sex and pornography. Surely, it’s written in the Bible that “sin is a reproach to any people “(proverbs 14:34).
And also, in the days of the apostles, there were the goddess Diana temples and women were devoting themselves to the practice of sex in these temples.
Nowadays the war is by the media and internet, for every age has its tools for war.
The main purpose for the devil is to separate man from God, and God is Holy so he keeps trying to make man live in impurity and so separates man from God.
I said: Is marriage a sin? Does its separate man from God?
Father said: of course not, marriage is a holy sacrament but devil fights man with his needs by an evil unclean way.
When devil finds a person has an ambition, he fights him with theft and fraud to fulfill his ambition. When he finds another person likes eating, he fights him with glutton. Who is quite and humble, he fights him with inferiority. Who has self-confidence, he fights him with pride and ego? Who is passionate, he fights him with lusts and impurity? even when devil finds someone who loves his friend, he fights him also.
I said: how?
Father said: He fights him with homosexuality. And also, if this person has self-control, he will make him to despise marriage and to consider it as an impurity while God has made marriage as a holy sacrament and also relationships are sacred in marriage and not as a sin or an impurity.
Eating also is not a sin but glutton, ambition is not a sin but theft and fraud.
I said: back to our topic. How can man become free from porn movies which became habits or addiction, now?
As we have learned that when Satan doesn’t know how to stop the car, he makes it move faster.
Father said: please, pay attention, my son, we will start some practical steps which need commitment to gain good result.it is written in the Holy Bible “watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong “(1Corinthians 16:13)
I said: I am ready, my father, I will be very committed to whatever you say because I got sick of my life and of slavery and humiliation. I will do anything for freedom.
Father said: There is an important point before starting any practical step. Remember , my son, that Jesus only who can set you free and He who gives you strength and if we did anything good, this will be by the power of the Holy Spirit and all what we can do is to ask His help and to obey His words, deal?
I said: deal, father.
Father said: there are three steps to get freedom from porn movies, Bishop Moses has said them before:
1-convincing 2-Abstinence 3-Gratification
First convincing: To convince that, this sin is so ugly and destructive , to convince that Jesus only can set me free , and also I can’t alone become free from this sin but I can become free by the power and grace of the Holy Spirit who can convert the weak point to strength point.
The practical training for this point is to pray “ Jesus, please, reveal to me the ugliness of my sin, prepare my heart to accept your love and set me free from porn movies” hundred times per day for three months and this is during the delay(one minute delay)
N.B Three months if the addiction of porn movies was for long period.
Second step is abstinence: this means to abstain, but of course it will take time to be able to abstain from these habits because it became a kind of addiction.
The practical training for this step is: to take one-minute delay in the first week.
I said: what do you mean with one-minute delay?
Father said: I mean when you feel that you have a strong desire to watch these movies, at this moment lift up your heart and look at Jesus on the cross and pray deeply the first practical training “please Jesus, reveal to me the ugliness of my sin, prepare my heart to accept your love and set me free from these movies”
And also, before watching these movies, stop for only one minute, think and pray the (ASPOCID) “please Lord, reveal to me the ugliness of my sin, prepare my heart to accept your love and set me free from these movies”
If the habit demanded once and you didn’t submit to it, you will find it very weak in the next time but if you submit to its demand, it will become stronger in the next times. (St. Isaac the Syrian)
The book of the paradise of the desert fathers page 235.
I said: suppose that I fell in this sin suddenly, what can I do?
Father said: don’t despair, repent then believe in remission of your sin and start again to do the practical steps even if retroactively.
I said: what does it mean?
Father said: I mean even if after doing the sin or watching these movies, rise up and pray the (ASPOCID) for one minute.
I said: forgive me father, but this is weird, how can I pray before doing the sin and also after doing the sin?
Will not God be angry of me? Will not He accept my prayers because I am a sinner and impure?
Father said: I will repeat again.
This is the most time God hears your prayers , loves you and feels compassion on you because you are a soldier in his army fighting Devil , like the soldier on the fighting front , all country resources are under his command and whole people sympathize with him.so you are a hero in the sight of God and you will win by the grace of Christ.
I said: encouraging and beautiful words. First week I will practice (one-minute delay), what else?
Father said: the second week , make this practical training for two minutes, the third week make it for three minutes, fourth week make it for four minutes, and so on…
Believe me if you are committed to this training (with the other practical trainings we will discuss now ) by the grace of Christ, you will become completely free in three months but also you will hate this sin and you will experience that every weak point will be turned into strength point and your love to Christ will increase inside your heart.
As had been said by St. John Chrysostom
“Before doing any work, the simple and easy steps seem to be very hard but once we start working, the risk starts to disappear, confidence is in the place of mistrust and despair, fear decreases and work becomes easier and our good hope strengthens. And surely if I asked from you to return back to your first nature in a blink of an eye, it is naturally to complain that it is very hard but all my request is to start to return back gradually, so why do you hesitate, fear and withdraw? (the book of you will return back with greater power page 14)
I said: ok father, I will start, I promise to start, as I hated slavery and humiliation, I got sick of the impurity, evil, bitterness, tiredness and death.
Every time I do this sin, I feel death enter deep down and tight pressing myself and I feel stressed, my body is very weak and my soul is very sad.
Father said: as we mentioned, start step by step , gradually , don’t say “ I will start by five minutes “ and if you were lazy or you fell in the sin again, don’t despair but start again from the beginning.
I said: what do you mean, father?
Father said: if you didn’t do this practical training for five successive falls, start again to do it for one minute, then two minutes and so on.
I said: ok father, but isn’t it exhausting? Will not it take long time?
Father said: Indeed, it’s exhausting and it will take long time. Because of that who didn’t experience the bitterness and humiliation of the sin and also who didn’t hit the bottom, cannot persevere in these steps.
Frankly, life with Jesus is great and isn’t hard but because of impurities of man, he feels that spiritual life is hard but believe me son, after short time and with few perseverance, you will admire the life with Jesus and you will not be able to stop yourself from spiritual practices.
May we return to God my beloved and complete his will. As He created us to be partners in the eternal life and not to throw us away in the hell because the hell is for Satan and not for us. He had prepared the heaven for us long time ago.
(St. John Chrysostom book of you will return back with greater power page 15)
As you became addicted to the bad habits , you will be addicted to prayer and spiritual practices. The only difference is that addiction of impurities is accompanied by anxiety, guilt and fear of everything specially from future and death. And also is accompanied by tiredness and lack of determination and achievements, on the contrary the addiction of prayers, You will experience permanent growing in feelings of joy and peace and you will not be afraid of death but death will be gain or profit and also you will love life and you will enjoy it, accomplish it and your days will be like the days of the heavens above the earth (Deuteronomy 11:21)
“Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks” (Deuteronomy 28:4)
And also, you shall be a blessing (Genesis 12:2)
I said: what is the third point, father?
Father said: the third point is gratification.
He who is filled with the love of Christ, can trample on the pleasures, evils and impurities of the world as it is written “A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet “(proverbs 27:7)
I said: great words, but I need practical steps, father.
How can I be filled with the love of Christ?
Father said: I will tell you a simple and an important practical training to be filled with the love of Christ, its name is
The longing prayer
I said: what does it mean, father ?
Father said: sometimes you feel that the war of lusts is intense and you feel a lot of pressure.
I said: yes, indeed father, sometimes I feel very intense war and devil fights me strongly with lusts.
Father said: when you feel all of this, this will be the time you are in a bad need for love and also you need to be filled with love of Christ.
At this time pray this prayer until the war subsides:
“Lord, your son is in a bad need to your love, please fill my heart with your love and embrace me tight”
Also, from the methods that give you gratification is to talk with Jesus continuously as a father, as a friend and as a lover. Tell him about your feelings like prophet David when he said “I miss you my Lord “
I said: really, did David say that?
Father said: yes, he said that in psalm 42:1
It means “I miss you, my Lord “
And also, he said:
“As for me, I will see your face in righteousness, I shall be satisfied when I awake in your likeness “(psalm 17:15)
It means that I dream with you, Lord.
Also, in psalm 45:2
“you are fairer than the sons of men”
It means: you are gorgeous, Lord, you are awesome.
I said (while smiling): He was in love with the Lord.
Father said: yes, he was in love with the Lord, and you also can be in love with Jesus.
During the night, just before sleeping talk to Jesus saying “Lord, you are Holy, you are awesome “and repeat it many times till you fall asleep.
From St. John Saba Quotes:
“Blessed is he who sleeps and your Holy name on his lips, the demons could not approach him “
Take this as a practical training in the night to say “Holy, Holy” till you fall asleep, and also during the day trust that God is with you and lift up your heart from now and then and say “you are awesome, my Lord “
I said: oh father, what a very beautiful training, why didn’t you tell me this training from the beginning?
I tried to express my affection to God and I found that I feel joy and gratification, also He is filling me with His love to be satisfied and I don’t need any other love to fill my heart.
“As the fetus in the womb of its mother will not be formed into a complete human abruptly, but it will grow gradually and also on birth he will not be a man, but he needs years to grow to an adult man. This is the same as the spiritual growing, man grows step by step to be full spiritual man and not as some people think that they will take off jacket and wear another.
(fifty spiritual homilies of St. Macarius the Egyptian, the fifteenth sermon p. 159,160)
Father said: this training is an advanced one and he who is not committed to ( good morning) and ( adjust the angles) for enough period ( months) will not accept this training ( because the words awesome, beautiful and gorgeous are desecrated by our evil thoughts and linked to the impurity of the world because of the culture of impure love and rude media )
So he who didn’t start step by step with the initial trainings cannot say these words easily because his mind needs to be cleansed and to change the old thoughts and expressions and also to start to be filled with holy practices.
He who doesn’t grow in a relationship of holy love with Christ, how can he accept this verse?
“For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ “(2corinthians 11:2)
He who hasn’t a holy mind will not accept all of this.
“To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure, but even their mind and conscience are defiled (Titus 1:15)
This is also like who didn’t grow in God’s love and who hadn’t the holy mind to read the book of “Song of Solomon “
Let the remembrance of death and the prayer of Jesus fill your heart before sleeping and also after getting up, you will not find any other those things to guard you while sleeping. (the ladder p.182, St. John climacus)
I said: you are right, father. If you have told me about this training from the first time we have met, I would not come again to see you but after I have realized the true meaning of the Christ’s love, I can now feel the saying of “ I love you Jesus “, “you are awesome, my Lord” and “ you are gorgeous, my shepherd “
But how much time I need while committed to this training to become free from this habit?
Father said: There is no specific time.
But the important point is to believe that you are beloved, accepted and not betrayer but a hero while you are in this way.
I conclude on this point by a very important advice to the youth which will help them to accept themselves and also to the parents and servants of the church to help youth and teenagers by acceptance not to loose them by addiction of porn or by atheism.
This advice is from the book of “brotherly love” p. 15 by dear and beloved father Tadros Yaacoub:
“The child grows after he lived an innocent childhood before maturation, his thoughts were chaste and pure without fight or perseverance, he thought that he will remain with calm body, peaceful sensations towards sex and also he thought that he will remain with pure soul doesn’t differentiate between male and female. Then in a short period he finds himself in a new stage of life full of unexpected sensations, emotions and instincts, at this time he is ashamed before himself, before God, before his parents, before church and before the community. He considers himself a punk as he was degraded to the rank of adulterers and sinners and he doesn’t deserve to live with Jesus (although this is natural during this stage of life). During all of these bitter feelings that passed by the boy, he finds nothing to do except hiding behind introversion to stay away from the sight of God and people, and to live fighting alone many many years by all his strength to deprive his emotions , suppress his instincts and to antagonize his body and because he doesn’t sin with his bodily organs , he is innocent saint in the sight of people but he is a sinner in the sight of himself carrying in his depths a revolting volcano and an endless struggle and it often ends with a bouncing back into impurity in its wildest form and so he hates religion and refuses purity and chastity”.
So we as parents and servants should cooperate and feel the youths and teenagers , accepting them, encouraging them and to tell them about acceptance and love of Christ and also to tell them that their prayers are accepted, they are heroes fighting devil and if they are injured, we all will be beside them, God and also saints will strengthen them.
We should encourage them to complete their race and we should tell them that these feelings are natural during this stage of life and they are not sinners , they just need to cling to Christ and if they fall , they should rise up again quickly and they shouldn’t despair but they should believe in forgiveness and acceptance of Jesus.
“For we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6: 12)
But Jesus is always with them
“And the God of peace will crush satan under your feet shortly “(Romans 16:20)
I heard about a lot of youths have had bad psychiatric illnesses because of not accepting themselves in this stage of life and also because their parents neither accept them nor tell them about acceptance of God whatever their fall times.
At the end we can revise what we have mentioned:
The practical steps which are needed to be free:
1-perception ( I cannot do it alone- God can do it- it needs time)
2-control of senses: we have discussed how to control your sight and we have mentioned in details how to be free from porn movies.
Three points you need to practice to be free from porn movies:
1-convincing 2-abstinence 3-gratification
Practical training for three months (hundred times ASPOCID- one-minute delay (gradually))
Start step by step in the practical trainings and we can continue our talk about controlling the senses next time, we can talk about control of touch.
I said: will not you tell me a new practical training or a new song today, father?
Father said: the practical training for this week is ( one minute delay) and the song of today is the song of hope “ don’t rejoice over me , my enemy, when I fall, I will arise, when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me “ Micah 7:8.
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