How to Be Liberated from Frequent Falls? Reasons and benefits
By: House of God’s Love
Book name: Book series of Principles of Spiritual Life
How to be liberated from frequent falls
By: Servants of God’s Love Hostel
* We hope in Christ that this series would reach the hands of every Christian youth.
* You could share this hope by giving it to your friends and loved ones.
The devils target is not only to let you fall in sin, this is his initial target but also his main target is to let us despair and surrender. Thus, he does not try with us in a variety of sins but he tries to let us fall in one or two sins several times. To be liberated from frequent falls use the Aspirin- make a general authorization (died, died, died) be patient.
When you start to come back, God will reward you for all the difficult years and reward you twice as much for all your efforts.
Remember that this series is a practical scheme to growth and progression in spiritual life. To completely benefit from it you have to read in a spirit of prayer and in its correct sequence as well as to apply its simple principles to your daily life in a regular and cumulative sequence. Try and you will personally find out- with Christ’s grace- gradual deepness and growth in your spiritual life.
May our Lord Jesus liberate us and give us a continuous acceptance to His love, with the help of our Virgin Mother and the prayers of our blessed Pope Tawadross II, glory be to God forever, amen.
When I thought of going to see my father, I remembered the route that I usually follow to him. I decided, as I often did before, to be aware not to fall in this pit where I always fall. But why do I fall? I don’t know.
But today I decided and pulled myself up with all my strength not to fall this time. On my way, all of a sudden I discovered that I was falling in the same pit, in spite of all the previous precautions!! I was stunned and very frustrated because of these frequent falls, and when we met
He said: How are you son and what about the partial prayers and the “good morning”?
I said: thank Godfather but whenever I come to you I fall in a pit on the way, in spite of all my precautions. Every time I say this is the last time and I will not fall next time but I still fall again and I don’t know the reason!!
He said: today, son I’ll talk to you about a pit but of another kind.
I said: and what is it, father?
He said: We will discuss the barriers of spiritual life.
I said: and what are the barriers to spiritual life, father?
He said: first, the frequent falls, son.
As you always fell in the pit, you will discover in your spiritual life a certain sin that you always fall in, in spite of all your precautions. Every time you fall you get desperate and you hear the devil whispering to you “you are not good enough to follow the spiritual road, it is very difficult, you are not good enough, it is not the right time and age to live a holy spiritual life” and a lot of frustrating words similar to that.
I said: this is exactly what I feel, father, sorrow, frustration, and despair. Every time I try to make promises and take a stand, I fail.
He said: no, son you can, with the grace of Christ you can do everything. Don’t be similar to the desperate elephant and as we mentioned before
The devils target is not only to let you fall in sin, this is his temporal target.
His strategic target is to let us despair and surrender.
I said: why father?
He said: because when you fall in sin and rise up and repent, he then feels he has not achieved anything, on the contrary, your relationship with Christ becomes stronger, while his main target is to let you lose your faith completely and say “I am useless” “I am desperate” “I am weak.”
he wants you to surrender and when you do, he will enslave you
In Africa, a man, living in the forest, wanted to make a zoo around his home.
I said: why?
He said: he said I like to see the animals, the first thing in the morning, this makes me optimistic, he started hunting for a deer, then monkeys, then peacocks, and he built caves for them around his house. One day he hunted for a small elephant and he was very happy with it but he thought that if he put it in a cave, he will destroy it and run away,
He started thinking and thinking until he decided to tie the elephant with a strong chain and tie it to a big iron piece. The elephant wanted so much to run away but the piece of iron was too big.
The elephant tried several times but every time he fell down and as time passed all his trials were ended with pain and failure until he gave up and remained beside the piece of iron eating and drinking, and he forgets all about going back to the forest.
One day, the African man needed the piece of iron for some reason, he took it and replaced it with a piece of wood. Although, if the elephant had tried with the piece of wood, he would have very easily pulled it and ran away but he had already given up and was programmed, to feel unable and to be a failure.
Thus, the devil wants you to be programmed. Falling frequently in the same sin, you will surrender and be desperate.
The devil doesn’t care about the kind of sin you commit but he cares that man surrender and be desperate
That’s why the devil doesn’t like to variegate in different kinds of sins, he likes to concentrate on one sin
I said: how father?
He said: The devil doesn’t fight with you through several sins, he uses only one or two sins and focus on them so that you can’t say “so long as I won the war against this sin, God will give me the victory against the other one too.” He focuses on one sin so that you surrender and get desperate.
I said: true, father, there is a certain sin in my life that I think if I get rid of I would feel comforted (I said smiling) maybe I’ll be a saint.
The password to continue in the spiritual life is Hope
He said: not only you, son. This is the devil’s strategy with all human beings. Because he knows God’s love and the power of repentance, he focuses on cutting off all hope.
I said: how can frequent falls be treated, father?
He said: first we have to know the reasons as written in The Book of Revelation “Remember from where you fell and repent.” It is very important to know the reason of falling to find out the treatment and as the Egyptian parable says “when you know the reasons you will not be amazed”
I said: and what are the reasons of frequent falls, father.
He said: First Reason is
The running tap
Either known or unknown
Do you remember the story of the mad man, son?
I said: yes father I remember the story very well, when the mad man was cleaning the room while the tap was running.
He said: exactly, my son, be sure that it is crazy to think of being liberated from frequent falls while one of your senses is not well disciplined, all your efforts will be worthless, and your life will be lost in vain.
I said: and how can this be solved, father?
He said: first the known running tap
It needs shouting to God, do not sleep, when you know that one of your senses is not disciplined scream every day from the bottom of your heart until God liberates you
Did you hear about the Trichet, son?
I said: no I have never heard about it.
He said: it is a kind of serpent that is very poisonous and there is no vaccine or serum for it its bite is fatal. If it bites anybody, the bitten part of the body has to be amputated immediately or it will cause death.
I said: may God moves it away from us.
He said: Imagine if you are sleeping alone and you hear the sound of the Trichet in your room (it makes the sound of fighting cats) what would you do?
This is how the brain gets darkened when it starts to be negligent of the reasons for serious sins such as lustful looks or soft words or seduction movements, body positions and hand pressing. Saint Theofan the hermit
I said: I don’t know but I think I will be scared even to move out of my bed and I will keep on praying and asking the saints to pray for me that God may save me from this horrible situation.
He said: you mean you will not sleep and try to forget.
I said: sleep!! I think sleep will not approach me for a moment. It’s a matter of life or death.
He said: that’s how it is, son, if one of your senses (sight, hearing, touching or the tongue…) is undisciplined don’t keep quiet keep shouting with all your might. Scream as if you found a Trichet in your room. Whoever leaves any of his senses undisciplined and do not scream is similar to the mad man who is trying to clean the room while the tap is running.
I said: what can I do if I can’t close the tap though I know very well that it is running and that it is the reason for all lassitude and misery?
Do not get desperate from completely changing. If the devil has this power to throw you from this lofty highness and Semitic virtue to the ground to the last limits of evil, so how much more can God lift you up to your previous trust and not only let you become as you were before but He can make you much happier than before (Saint John of the Golden mouth 3)
He said: as mentioned, before there is a big difference between.
I don’t want and I can’t.
If I can’t then it is easy and simple keep on screaming to your God, your God is the God of the weak. Jesus came for the sinners not for the good people, for the sick who are tired of sickness to heal them. Keep on screaming and don’t stop until He liberates you.
But if I don’t want, then it is hard, God Himself will not liberate you. If you don’t want, if you are satisfied with your position as you are and you don’t want to change it, then what is the use of continuing our conversation I said: father, I wish from the bottom of my heart that God liberates me and adjust all my senses and save me from frequent falls.
I said: but assume there is someone that doesn’t want because he became an addict of sin and he loves sin and does not hate it, is there a solution?!
He said: yes son, this person should come to Christ every day and say
“Lord I love sin and I don’t want to leave it but I know the end of it is destruction, let me hate it and let me want and ask to be liberated from sin, I am weak but you are the God of the weak so don’t let me perish Lord.”
I said: you always have solutions for all situations, father.
He said: Our Lord Jesus has a treatment for all cases. We just have to come to Him and He is the Healing Doctor.
The second part of the running tap is
The unknown Tap
I said: what can I do if I don’t know about it and I don’t know its source.
He said: this needs “Aspirin of the Spiritual Life“
I said: this is a new term, father, what it means.
He said: an eighty years old man went to the cardiologist, after checking him; he told him that everything was fine but it is just old age. The man asked the doctor what he meant by this.
The doctor told him that it is normal that with old age, the blood pressure rises and so does the sugar in the blood and it is liable that thrombosis are formed and I will prescribe to you some aspirin pills and this will help in the liquidity of the blood and its flow in the veins. Every day two of those pills and don’t forget that protection is better than treatment.
This is what you should do every day with the good morning group so that God will reveal to you your unknown sins that you commit without knowing or find excuses for doing them due to the circumstances or the surrounding culture or bringing up. Ask and say
“Lord let me know the ugliness of my sin and let me accept your love“
You sinners do not despair for we are not condemned because of our frequent sins but we are truly condemned when we do not want to repent (St. Morcos the hermit)
Do not forget, son, to say this often, as it has no side effects.
I said: Isn’t it hard if God really showed me the ugliness of my sin that I die of despair because of several sins?
He said peacefully: don’t worry son. God is very kind and He will allow you to know as much as you can take, step by step, also He will liberate you and let you accept His love so that you feel accepted and important to the Lord Jesus.
I said: what kinds of sins can be examples of unknown sins in my life?
He said: there are two ways only, not three, the way of the Lord Jesus and this the devil doesn’t want you to go through, and the way of evil and sin and the devil also, often doesn’t want you to complete this way of evil and sin.
I said (astonished): how come, father?
He said : Because if you complete all evil and sin, you will scream and say I want to repent, I want to come back to Christ, but because the devil is full of maliciousness and slyness, he makes you stop in the middle of the evil sinful way and say “is this a sin or not” ” is this evil or not ” and he tries to give sin hundred names and more except sin. He tries, by all means, to let you justify your sin because if you justify it you will never be liberated from it and you remain to fall frequently without knowing why!!
I said: Oh father, it is an awful sin it is fatal.
He said: true son, in the Book of Revelation the Lord says: “So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot I will spew you out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
I said: what does this verse mean?
He said: The cold person is the person who knows that he is a sinner and screams to God to liberate him and is on his way to repentance. The warm person is the person who walked in the road and cannot bear any evil in his life like the saints, while the lukewarm person is the one who says “we are fine” “we are not that bad” or “we are better than others” “thank God there is no bunjo or hashish” or “this is innocent friendship” “this is just a simple glance” or ” this is just a un filthy word” or ” this is just a brotherly touch” similar justifications keeps the person as he is, and he will slowly perish and God will not be able to liberate him because he did not ask for liberation, and he even refuses any reprove and hides from any source of light and he prefers darkness so that his wickedness is not revealed.
I said: and what is the solution to all this destruction?
He said: the solution is in the Aspirin of spiritual life every day as much as you can.
““Lord let me know the ugliness of my sins and let me accept your love”
Self dependence does not give a chance to grace to inhabit a person (Theofan the hermit)
I said: is it possible that just this word will liberate me from the unknown sins?
He said: this is not just a word, it is a prayer and a request to God. When you request the Holy Spirit He will enlighten you and impart to you your unknown sins and they will be transferred to known sins and He will reproach you for them to liberate you.
I said: and what is the second reason for frequent falls, father?
He said: the first reason for frequent falls is the running tap whether known or unknown
The second reason is
Self-dependence or satisfying your ego
What is the meaning of self Dependence or satisfying your ego?
He said: First Self Dependence
Every time I fall I say “this is the last time I got to know everything” one or two days and a second fall I say ” No this is the last time I knew the reason, then a third fall, I say “No, no, this time is not like every time I understood properly” and if I know and understand I will never be liberated.
I said: why, father? He said: Because it is written “Cursed is he who depends on the arms of man”
I said: what do you mean, father?
He said: honestly speaking, son so long as you depend on yourself and your human power you will never be liberated whatever you do, you will be as you are, and the Lord will leave you as you are and will not liberate you because if He does you will perish.
I said: the Lord will not liberate me and if He does I’ll perish!! What is this new strange talk, Father?
He said: if the Lord liberates you while you are still depending on yourself, you will say My own hands have saved me (Judges 7:2) and you will be liberated from frequent falls but you will still have what is more dangerous than frequent falls.
I said: and what is that, father?
He said: ego and pride, and you will think that you are something, and that you saved yourself, and that’s how you will perish and your destruction will be great. But the Lord leaves you to frequent falls, and you scream and fail and try again and fail until you get to the end of all your trials and you get to know that you are helpless and incapable to save
yourself, at this point only the Lord will interfere to save you. This is what St. Paul the apostle said:
“For I know that in me (that is in my flesh) dwells no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. (Romans 7:18)
Three friends went for a summer vacation to Alexandria after their exams. They went swimming in the sea. One of them was very impulsive, swam straight to the deep waters, and was not cautious enough of the high waves that pulled him deeper.
Because his friends were not good swimmers, they were very scared and went out to the seaman who is responsible about rescuing the people, and said to him Captain our friend is drowning please come and rescue him. He asked them “where is he” they pointed to the sea and showed him where their friend was.
The seaman looked at him and he was drinking a cup of coffee and did not move. One of them told him captain hurry up please, rescue him. The other (who was nervous) “hurry up don’t you have any feelings the boy is dying” and the seaman didn’t respond to either the quiet boy or the nervous one.
He was drinking his coffee and looking at the drowning boy. They were imploring him a lot and he was as if he was not hearing them. At a certain point, he left the cup
And plunged into the sea. He held the boy’s hand and took him out, he made some first aid for him and he woke him up. The boys thanked him but they blamed him and asked him why he was late. He said I was not late; I went in the right time.
They told him what right time! You made us so nervous. We are sorry for our impulsive talk with you. He said “don’t worry I know this is your friend and you were worried about him but you do not know the appropriate time to rescue him.
They said “what is the right time to rescue? He said “as well known from the Egyptian proverb: The drowning person will hang to a straw. If I go to him while he is still trying, he might hold me strongly and we would both be drowned. But I leave him until he gives up, (sure not until he is drowned) then I go to him and hold his hand easily and rescue him.
I said: does this mean that God will not liberate me so long as I am trying!!!
He said: God will not save you so long as you are trying, depending on yourself alone that you might think that with your own power you can be saved. If salvation could be gotten only through your own efforts and personal trials, there would have been no reason for Christ to come. “If righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.” (Galatians 2:21)
The Lord Jesus said one saying that ends up the whole subject
“For without me you can do nothing.” (John15: 5)
If we try to conquer sin, alone, we will never be able to do so.
But we fight with Jesus and scream to Him recognizing our weakness and He gives us the power to overcome sin and have victory over it.
I said: this was all about depending on oneself what about satisfying my ego.
He said: there was one of the brothers who started with us in the principles of spiritual life, partial prayers, open face, peace and forgiveness but he was still tired and feeling no improvement what so ever. One day he came to me and told me “I’ll honestly tell you something, father but don’t be offended” I told him “say what you want, son, no need to be offended of honesty” he said” Do you think father, that I come to hear you for life with Christ and spiritual relationship and everlasting life as we always speak with intense interest every time?” astonished, I said: then why do you come, son?
He said: honestly, just to feel comfortable so that I don’t feel guilty because of frequent falls, and to be a respectful person in front of myself. It is a big shame at this age to fall in such bad habits and desires. I don’t care about Christ or my relation with Him, just to be comfortable and respectful.
I said: and what did you say to him, father?
He said: I told him God forgive you son, but like this, you will never achieve any kind of respect and you will never ever know what peace is.
I said: why, father?
But you have made me to serve with your sins, you have wearied me with your iniquities. (Isaiah 43:24)
He said: because all that he desired from spiritual life was not his relationship with Christ, but just to satisfy his ego. He wished to use spiritual issues (Isaiah 43:24) to please himself and satisfy his ego only. All that he cares for is to be liberated from sin, and he has nothing to do with his relationship with Christ.
His desire to be liberated from sin, has nothing to do with his concern about not offending Christ but he is just concerned about being respectful and peaceful and not to be enslaved to any sin or habit. That’s why he will never be liberated and he will remain fatigued and miserable.
I said: is it wrong to be respectful and have inner peace or be liberated from sin?
He said: the question is why do you want to be liberated from sin? Is it because you want to have a good relationship with Christ or just to be respectful? What makes you hate sin? Is it because it offends Christ or because it makes you lose your inner peace?
I said: is it not possible that the answer would be the two reasons?
He said: no son, this is not possible, but it is normal that when you have a relation with Christ, you consequently are liberated and respectful and have inner peace. If you use spiritual issues just to satisfy your ego and to achieve peace and liberation, then you will never have them.
I said: what is the solution then, father? How can my relationship with Christ be my target and not self-satisfaction? What is the secret of the true victory over sin. I think there must be a secret?
He said: yes there is a secret. Let’s go and ask a victorious person such as Augustine. When we mention the name, Augustine, we will find psychologists and sociologists screaming ” how come how come and when you ask them “what is wrong with you” “what is wrong with you” they would say “what are you saying can someone perverse, who committed all this lust and impurities, as Augustine did, and then as you say, became a bishop and a saint and wrote books about God’s love?
We have never seen this in reality or in theories of psychology or human development. If it was not for the historical truth or for his books that are still available, we would not have believed. There must be a secret behind this, there must be something above nature”
I said: true, father this is not normal.
He said: we go to Augustine and ask him, ” they say that there is a secret behind your transformation “something above nature” he would say “true, there is a secret”
I said: what is the secret, father?
He said: when the woman (who sinned with him) went to him after he repented, she knocked at the door and said “Augustine Augustine” he screamed in her face and said “the Augustine you know has died died died ” he shut the door so she screamed saying “then who is this one alive” he said
This the secret of the true victory above sin, son,
“died, died, died”
The ego has to die and Christ lives this is the true start and any other start will not lead you to anything.
I said: is this written in the bible, father?
He said: yes, son. St. Paul the apostle realized this and repeated it in all his epistles. He says in (Galatians 2:20) “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless, I live
He took what is ours and gave us what is his (the praise)
yet not I (died died died) but Christ lives in me.” (In Romans14:7)”For none of us lives to himself and no man dies to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s”. In (2Corinthians5: 15) “and that he died for all that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them and rose again.”
Finally the Lord Jesus said words un followed by other words “for whosoever will save (wants to be liberated and respectful) his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” (Luke9:24)
I said: all these verses, father?
He said: and more, son, we died with Christ
I present to you my Lord the counsel of my freedom and write my doings according to your sayings (the Gregorian Mass))
And now we live with, through, and in Him. We are by origin dust and naught, son, and God created for us the self or ego as a grant from Him He gave us an entity and we with our full will, lost our entity and died so Christ came and exerted Himself on our behalf, died for us and gave us Himself to live once more, but again after all this we fall so He says take my body and drink my blood. Take my life and live once more but we walk for some time and then we fall. I say to you it’s enough, son.
I said: enough what father? Do you mean enough for today and continue next time?
Smiling he said: I don’t mean that, but enough that we live ourselves, we lost our selves several times, let’s make Christ live in us, let’s present to Him our lives to live it Himself, to protect it Himself. Let’s give Him our lives as He gave us His life, let’s approve of our weakness, our meekness and our loss as we are not strong enough to protect ourselves we are like minors.
I said: I agree to all this, father, but practically speaking how can I reach this how can I be dead dead dead? I would like practical steps as you taught me, father. He said: You make
A General Attorney
I said: how?
He said: go to the real registration office and ask them to make a general attorney for you, they will ask you if you want to make a general or a special attorney, the special attorney is when you makes an attorney for someone to sell an asset or to buy a car or to a lawyer to complete some documents. The general attorney, no one can make, except a boy to his father
or a father to his son as their interests are usually the same. The general attorney gives rights to control all your affairs by the power of attorney. Make a general attorney for Christ over all your life. Announce your death by your total free will for Christ to let Him live in you and guide your life.
I……herein declare to submit to You all my life my Lord, my heart, my thoughts, my feelings, my body, my future and all my existence. You are responsible for me, my Lord a complete responsibility and I am not responsible for myself any more and with my full free will, I handle to You all my life my Lord Jesus all the days of my life.
I said: If I say this shall I stop to sin any more?
He said: If you say this with all your heart, you will not fall in sin at all if you keep this attorney.
I said: and what should I do if I fall in sin?
He said: go to Christ and fight with Him, and tell Him “why did You leave me didn’t I handle to You my life? And made to You a general attorney why did You leave me?”
He will tell you “I did not leave you but you withdrew the general attorney”
I said: is it possible that it can be withdrawn?’
He said: yes, son, it can.
I said: and what can I do?
He said: renew it once more, repent and tell Him “forgive me Lord for my laziness and carelessness. I submit my life to You and renew my covenant with You. Receive my life once more.”
And because of all this we make a sure covenant, and write it: and our princes, Levites and priests seal unto it (Nehemiah 9: 38)
I said: and if I go on for a while and then fall down again? He said: rise up once more and renew your attorney.
I said: is there any everlasting general attorney that cannot be withdrawn?
He said: In the Old Testament (Exodus 21) there was a year named the Jubilee Year, all slaves were liberated at this year but if a slave loved his master and did not want to be freed, they would bring him to the doorpost and bore his ear as a sign of his everlasting attachment with the house. This slave could never leave the house and his master could never dismiss him. Likewise say to the Lord “Lord I wish to be attached to You in an everlasting attachment so never leave me Lord.”
I said: and if the slave made a mistake what would they do to him?
He said: he should learn, understand, be chastened but inside the house not outside.
The suitable work that we can do as a counterpart to what He did for us is to submit ourselves willingly to Him. As we were saved by the blood of Christ it is proper for us to present our lives to Him who saved us. (St. Earonimos)
Happily, I said: I want to be a pin eared slave with Christ I don’t want to leave Him and I don’t want him to leave me.
He said: this is the heart desire of the Lord, son. He is standing at the door knocking, if you accept His invitation He will enter. If you submit your heart to Him, He would teach you everything and if you fall He would raise you up and He would be your Father and you will be His son.
The bible says “Behold the days come says the Lord for this is the covenant that I will make, after those days says the Lord I will put my laws into their mind, and write them into their hearts: and I will be to them a God and they shall be to me a people…….For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.” (Hebrews 8:10)
I said: how can I be sure that I made a general attorney and that it is not just talking, father? What is the indicator?
He said: there are three indicators for the general attorney:
First: is that you don’t feel sad when you fall in sin.
I said (impulsively): how come not to feel sad, if so then this could lead me to negligence, exploitation and destruction.
He said (smiling): slowly son slowly, don’t interrupt me. Leave me to continue.
I said(apologizing): sorry, continue, father.
He said: The First Indicator:
The centre of my life should be Christ, not my ego
Nothing angers God more than people falling in despair because of their wickedness then they think that they can’t come back. Truly this despair itself is a sign of nonentity of faith St. Aeronimos 4
When you fall in sin, you will not be sad because you fell in sin but you will be sad because you offended Christ, broke the covenant and became separated from Him. The issue of sadness should not be concentrated on your ego: I fall, I am unrespectful, and I am weak facing sin. The issue of sadness should be my relationship with Christ, How am I separated from Him and became independent with myself and left Christ (The Pastoral Love, Father Tadros Yacoub Malaty 484).
That’s how your repentance will be strong and you will never despair. Despair saddens Christ more than falling You will not bear that Christ be saddened more than when you fall you will not bear to sadden Christ more. That’s why I’ll come back very fast whatever my condition is, I’ll be happy with Christ’s happiness for me.
I said: now, father, I will make a general attorney to Christ, I submit all my affairs to Christ, and from now onwards I will not
Be sad because I fell in sin but because I saddened Christ and became separated from Him
Now is a distinctive day in my life
I got to know a new meaning for life
The meaning of my life in Christ and for Christ
And this is the joy that has no better
He said: now son, the frequent falls will have no power over you and also no sin will have any power over you but Christ will fight for you and he is able to protect you, just hold fast to Him and He will be your joy and strength and if it happens that you were negligent come fast to Him, He always has His arms opened for you.
The second indicator for the general attorney is
Total submission and surrender to God
I said: and what does this mean, Father?
He said: imagine that you stood up to pray in your room and while you are praying the Lord Jesus appeared to you (and you were sure that He is the Lord Jesus) and He called you and said “whoever you are, whoever you are, run in the street naked without any clothes and scream and say I am a sinner forgive me I am a sinner pray for me” what would you do?
I said: for sure this is not the Lord Jesus.
He said: imagine that you made sure that this was the Lord Jesus what would you do?
I said (after thinking deeply): I will excuse myself. It is impossible to do that. How would I look in front of the people?
He said: and if the Lord entreated you and said for my sake?!!
Self-denial is acceptance, not submission, acceptance of human entity with its weakness and deficiencies as an action of restless love in the hands of God without any worries about our private lives or about the service that we are entitled to (the pastoral love father Tadros Yacoub Malaty page 392
I said: I would tell Him that I can do anything except this. How would anyone look like this in the street? But father, why is it that hard? Of course I will not agree.
He said (smiling): is it not possible that God will hide you in a concealment energy and you run and no one sees or hears you.
I said: yes this could happen.
He said: is it not possible that God orders angels to surround you and clothes you in a white gown and people see you and say you are a saint.
I said: yes this is possible.
He said: you just cared for people and for yourself and did not put God in your calculations this shows that your ego is still alive!! You still care for yourself and what people think about you!! Not what God wants!! You still don’t have total acceptance and trust that
God loves you more than you love yourself
Do you imagine that God in heaven would gather the angels and tell them come you angels to watch while people are laughing at you? Of course, God will never ask you to do that.
I said: why father did you tell me this terrifying example?
He said: this is just a test to know if you are ready to have total obedience and submission to God or not yet?! And when you put yourself in the hardest situations ever, and still are ready for total submission because you trust God more than yourself. So when the devil comes to you with any thought don’t panic or worry and this is the third indicator to the general attorney.
Whoever dedicates himself totally to God from all his heart, God will never leave him without His care. (Mar Ishak el Souriany)
I said: and what is it? He said: before I tell you, I’ll ask you, also, suppose God told you I want you to be without ears or eyes what would you say to Him?
I said (confident and smiling): I already got it, I’ll tell Him whatever You want Lord I am at Your service.
He said: suppose God told you to live all your life sick and begging.
I said (hesitantly): whatever He wants. (In a moment I had a lot of confidence) and I said sure God will not permit that things happen to me beyond my endurance and everything that happens will be for my good. True, father, whatever He wants from now onwards I surrender totally.
Christ died on my behalf and I will die on my desires behalf He loved me to death and I love Him to death.
He said: That’s fine, son, when you trust that God loves you more than you love yourself you will surrender to Him happily and also He will be yours.
The third Indicator to the General Attorney is
Total confidence and no fear and no worries
I said: how father?
He said: who lives now you or Christ?
I said: Christ lives in me.
He said: is Christ scared? Does Christ panic? Does anyone who totally surrender to Christ’s will worries about anything?
I said: sure not.
He said: your total surrender and acceptance of Christ will consequently lead you to total confidence and no fear and no worries. If one day you are scared or worried, you should know that your surrender and acceptance are not total and your ego started to live once more.
When you are scared of the future, of an exam, or of a problem, be sure that the general attorney needs to be activated and renewed, and remember that Christ is alive and He is responsible for you, go to Him and ask Him to fight for you, and give you peace and protects you.
This is His responsibility and ask Him to complete His work in you, then you will be comfortable and happy because all the responsibility is His and He loves you very much also He is the very powerful God and will never leave you.
I said: true whoever makes a general attorney will find peace and will be liberated of fear and panic and will not be affected by worries or fears I wish I knew this before. I used to read many verses in the bible but I didn’t realize their meanings, father, and I was sad and worried in spite of my several trials in spiritual life.
He said: Yes there are many verses in the bible that deal with surrender if we realize their meaning and understand them we will totally change.
I said: we still have to know the last cause of frequent falls, father.
He said: the last cause of frequent falls is
I said: patience for what?
He said: as we mentioned before, there are some sins that are carved in our psychological and mental entity using a special space for themselves. This needs some time to get rid of, the room was full of water because the tap was running for a long time and you need time to be able to clean it.
I said: and will I continue to fall, father?
He said: there are three phases to deal with sin.
I said: what are they, father?
He said: the first phase which is accepting sin. This is a very hard phase i.e. I accept sin, I am falling in sin willingly, I love sin, I don’t want to be liberated.
I said: what is the way to get out of this phase?
He said: the only solution is repentance i.e. I confess with my full free will that I refuse sin and I don’t want to fall in it.
There are evil desires in us but if we do not agree to them, we are not considered as sinners. St Augustine
Then follows the second phase which is my refusal of sin but I fall in it, and there is still some love and enjoyment in it. But with my will, I don’t want sin. This situation was discussed by St. Paul the Apostle in (Romans 7)
I said: will the love of sin remain inside me even after repentance? He said: the will refuses sin but there is love of sin inside. Now the treatment phase starts. You will not be suddenly healed from the effects of the illness, but it will need perseverance in the treatment.
I said: how long would this phase take, father?
He said: surrender to Christ honestly, and do not care about the period of time just stick to the treatment (which is the grace media) and be sure that you are on the healing road and you will be healed, because the Doctor is a proficient and His treatment is secured, and the effects of the sickness (love of sin) should not worry you.
It is a matter of time. Jesus became the guarantor of a better covenant (Hebrews7:22), so long as you refuse in your inner self and you follow up with the Doctor and stick to the treatment you sure will be liberated “and the day will come when the Lord will release you from your tiredness and your disturbance and from the cruel slavery that you were in (Isaiah 14: 3). This is a promise and He that promised is honest (Hebrews 10:23)
Sin is a sickness the sinner is the patient and the doctor is Jesus and the grace media is the treatment, the desire to sin is the effect of sickness, repentance is to go to the Doctor and declare your sickness
I said: and what is the third phase?
He said: the third phase is that you hate sin.
Instead of loving it you will hate it, you can’t bear it and consequently, you will not fall in it. If omission or negligence happens you will not endure yourself as if someone is dressed in the best clothes and sewerage water gets on him,
he will run fast home and wash himself and his clothes
I said: this is a beautiful phase, father, I wish I can reach it.
He said: as I said, it needs patience, but trust that so long as you are on the road you will reach it one day, just avoid, as much as you can, infection sources and contaminated places and if you fall rise up fast, never give up, and know well that the more expensive the fruit is, the more time it needs to ripen.
I said: what does this mean.
He said: ask the people who are involved in agriculture, how long does watercress take to be eaten, after being planted, they will tell you after three weeks. Tomatoes take about three months while apples take about three years. What would you like your fruits in spiritual life be? Watercress like everybody or tomatoes, a little better or apples i.e. you are spiritually deep and had spiritual companionship with God?
I said: sure apples, father, and if there is a better fruit than this would be preferable.
He said: therefore be patient, son, take it easy on the road and you will find fruits and deepness. Moses was patient for forty years until he was liberated from self-dependence, Joseph was patient for his attitude as a spoilt son, for eleven years, to be able to conduct all Egypt. Job was patient for seven years until he could be liberated from self-justification and many others were patient until they were liberated.
I said: do I have to be patient for forty years to be liberated?
He said: do you want to be patient for forty years to become like Moses the prophet?
I said: who can achieve this!!
He said: what do you bother about, liberation from sin or relationship with Christ? I said (hesitantly): relationship with Christ. But is there a difference between the two?!
He said: a big difference. Either my target would be my ego and to become respectful, or to have a relationship with Christ and consequently liberation and hate of sin as well. You just have to be patient and wait faithfully, and God
Will come to you at the right time. “A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the Lord will hasten it in His time.” (Isaiah 60:22)
I said: is there no way to hasten the time a bit so that I can be liberated quickly?
He said: be modest and humble before God (declare your weakness always in front of Him), don’t put time as your target (liberate me at the time you want to, Lord)
• Reasons for frequent falls
Self-dependence or ego satisfaction
Stick to the treatment (grace media). With the grace of Christ you will be liberated quickly. Also the Lord will liberate and use you and transfer every fall and weak point to strength.
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we that are dead to sin live any longer therein?
I said: how, father?
He said: these are the benefits of frequent falls.
I said: should I fall to increase the benefits, father?
He said (smiling): of course not, but God is able to transfer all your tiredness to comfort and reward you for all your efforts twice as much and transfer the shadow of death to morning.
The first benefit of frequent falls is:
That you will feel the great love of Christ and His tolerance
I said: how, father?
He said: You will thank Christ for His tolerance and love in spite of your frequent falls, you will say “thank you Lord for enduring me until now. I am already bored of myself” and as the law of nature says “for every action there is a reaction” the further a person is, the closer he will be when he starts to come close.
This is very evident in the repentant, as Augustine and Moussa el Aswad and also with those addicts and those who did a lot of evil when they repent they love Christ very much and also those unbelievers when they get to know Christ.
A famous business man was driving on the way when he saw a ten years old boy looking for some food in the garbage to eat. He stopped the driver and sent someone of his helpers to call the child and he asked the boy “what’s your name love?” the boy answered “Mina” he asked him “where are Papa and Mama” the boy said “I don’t know” he asked him “where do you live and how do you live” the boy said “here in the street and I eat from here” he thought (his name is Mina too, we must do anything for him). He took him thinking of
leaving him in an orphanage where he can be taken care of. But at home he agreed with his wife to adopt that child and take him to live with them. The boy welcomed the idea very much. He did not even dream of that. The days passed by and the boy grew up and turned eighteen.
He was with his adopting father at his office and a criminal bumped in threatening the businessman to kill him and before he could get out his gun, the boy attacked him screaming “No no Papa Papa exposing himself to be killed.”
I said: I understand, father, God who saved me from the garbage of sin, He who loved me when I was a sinner, I will never leave Him even to death. He said: exactly, son.
The second benefit:
The memories of falling will protect you from falling in condemnation and pride
Those who come back after repentance will light up with more glory more than those who did not fall. This I got from the holy books, at least those money collectors and harlots, inherited the kingdom more than the others St John the golden mouth (the book of the pastoral love Page 493)
And this is one of the most dangerous spiritual wars which will be discussed later in detail in the dead mouse.
I said: and what is the third benefit, father?
He said: The third benefit is
Every weak point will be transferred to a point of power and the bad experiences God uses them in the service.
I said: how can this be?
He said: poor him who thinks that the sin will be forgiven only when Christ comes and the punishment will disappear.
I said: then how could it be, father?
You, my Lord, have transferred the punishment to salvation (the Gregorian mass.)
He said: no, son, with Christ this is not enough but every weak point will be transferred to a point of power. If you are at (-20) you will be transferred to (+20). If you were fought by bad thoughts, Christ will give you holy thoughts.
If you are fought with doubts Christ will give you faith. If you are fought with desires Christ will give you the desire to love Him and hold to Him. If you believe in this you will get this.
“What you get you will get according to your faith.” “God will get out of the eater meat and out of the strong sweetness.” (Judges14: 14) and instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree (Isaiah 55: 13) and turns the shadow of death into the morning (Amos 5:8) and will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten (Joel 2: 25). In their land they shall posses the double (Isaiah 61:7)
I said: all these promises, father, about rewards and blessings.
Those who showed extra violence in their wickedness will show similar fire when they come back to Godly life St. John the golden mouth ( the book of We will come back with a greater power page 491))
He said: yes, son, St. Paul, the apostle says “but we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the Excellency of power may be of God and not of us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). So that when God grant us His blessing we do not boast as if it is from us but we know it is the grace of Christ and His blessing.
God wants to bless us and grant us a lot of His grace but we often think that we are not in need of it and we are satisfied with what we have or if we take those blessings we might think that we deserve them. But when God bless us in our weakness whatever people
say or praise us with, we say “praise as much as you want but I know myself well”
But remember that this reward and transformation depend on your expectation and your biding and on your faith, many people, unfortunately, think that God will hardly accept them if ever He does!! They come and expect nothing and they get nothing.
The lost son, when he came back, his father did not only greet him but he clothed him in shoes for his feet and a ring in his hand and slaughtered the fattened calf and celebrated for his coming back. “According to your faith be it unto you.”
I said: and how will God use the bad old experience in the service?
He said: God can transfer every bad experience that you have passed through, to help anyone passing by the same experience, you feel his feeling and you will tell him words that he can feel.
You will not only be rewarded for your reformation but also for the advices and consolation to others as you become an example for anyone who falls like you, and be encouraged and rise up and be healed. St. John the golden mouth (the book of We will come back with a greater power page 491)
“for in that He Himself has suffered being tempted, He is able to succor them that are tempted.(Hebrews 2:18)
I said: wondrous is God in all His arrangements.
He said: yes wondrous is God, There was a twenty years old young man and he was very far from the church and he committed many kinds of sins they tried to get him to church several times and he used to evade from them and once he wanted to finally stop them and told the church servants “we are all sinners me and you.
Is that right?” They said “yes that’s right” he said I am a sinner and all of us are sinners if one of the church speakers is a saint let him come and talk to me about the Lord. The servants were silenced and did not know what to do but they did not despair.
Once he was touched by grace and wished to repent and he said I can step down and hear someone who sees saints and who is not necessarily a saint himself.
I said: and did they find anybody, father?
He said: yes, one of the church servants remembered a boy- with him in Sunday school at third primary who often sees Pope Kirolloss and Mar Mina- and he tells Abouna everything- he is like an angel regarding church, holy songs, prayers, no streets no insults or swearing and they asked him if he would like to meet him.
He said ok I’ll come and meet him and they did fix a date after Sunday school and he came to meet the little boy. He told him tell me all about Christ and the saints and the boy spoke to him, in total innocence, about how God loves us very much and the saints too and he asked the boy and does Christ love me even when I smoke Banjo? The boy told him I also drink Mango, uncle, and He loves me still.
The young man thought that the boy did not hear him properly and he told him I also take Hashish, love, will He still love me? The boy told him what’s it? Isn’t Hashish like tea? I also drink tea and He still loves me. At this point the young man screamed and said “No no I want someone who can understand me” the servants came to him and asked what’s wrong he said when I say Banjo he says Mango and when I say Hashish he says tea. I want someone who can understand me, people.
An experienced father arrived in- he was leading the same way-
he understood him and helped him get rid of all his sins and this young man started to get all his friends to this father and he was the cause of salvation to many people.
Benefits of frequent falls
Feel the love of Christ
Protect us from condemnation and pride
Weak point to point of power
I said: this is a very expressive story, father.
He said: The most important thing, son, is that you benefit and have faith and be sure of God’s love and his amazing power to transfer all evil and sin to strength but be careful not to be negligent or you will fall in the sin of infidelity.
I said: and how, father, can I be careful?
He said: do not accept sin, do not accept it in your heart, never let it roost inside you. Always adjust the angles i.e. repent. Trust in forgiveness every day. At this point father got up and said remember: benefits of frequent falls which are feeling of the overwhelming love of Christ- no condemnation- the bad experiences that Christ use for anyone passing through the same experiences. * If this series is a blessing to you we ask for your prayers to be able to complete printing the rest of the parts and we ask you to help us deliver it to all Christians.
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